When you suffering depression or are on the downside of being bipolar, even simple things like taking a walk can be extremely difficult and painful experience. I had to go down town today, and it took me at least 3 hours to convince myself and motivate myself to walk there. With the way gas prices are, walking seemed the way to go.
So with iPod on hand, I start out. About turned around and headed back home for the first few blocks, each step seemed to take to much effort, but eventually the body got into stride with the music so it went a little smoother. And I must admit it was not bad, until I got closer to down town.
Then started to pass people sitting on thier porches and in cars, ect.. and the thought hits, do they know? Can they tell that I am bipolar and depressed as hell, not to mention unsure of my future at all. And with each passing step, the thoughts start to come faster and faster, hammering the questions. Now I am not ashamed that I suffer from this, but I’m not proud about it either. And financially I am completely broke and living from day to day, which does not help matters any at all, probably makes it all that much worse to be truthful.
Any who, you try to put on a face that you hope others can’t read, you don’t look at people straight on and try to avoid the whole issue. And in my case, hope to god that I don’t get a panic attack on top of it all. Wouldn’t that have been lovely. Well I am getting off the point here (another part of being bipolar.)
I guess the point I am trying to get across is, don’t judge them immediately when you see some one like myself out there. Maybe wave and a quick smile just might make their day in some small way that could actually make a difference. It’s the simple things some times from other people that can make all the difference in the world to a person that is afflicted with bipolar disorder or depression. When even the simple things you take for granted, seems so pointless and difficult to us.
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