Duct Tape and Circuits

I realized today it has been awhile since I posted any thing here, it has been a little strange for me for a little while now. Okay things are always strange to me, but that is besides the point. A week or so ago, I lost a member of the family. She was a Chinese Shar-Pei, she was the last of 3 that I had.and hardly left my side the last few months.

She was always there with a lick for my nose, and a wag of the tail when I was extremely down. I remember she used to love to have her teeth brushed, I still expect her to be waiting out side the bathroom door waiting for her turn. Not ashamed to admit that I cried for a few hours. I came home from a session with my therapist, and found her on the living room floor trying to get up to greet me at the door. She could not even lift her head, but I could see that she was trying.

I picked her up on my lap, and while the tears started to stream down my face, she passed from this world. If there is, and I pray it is so, a place for dogs to go when they leave this existance, I hope she found a good place. I miss her greatly. Her name was NuHi.

Pepper, my last dog, seems to have taken her place at my side. Never more then a couple of feet away at any one time. Though she will and can not take the place of NuHi, she has a place in my heart and will remain with me as NuHi did.

Other then that, well the county is start  forclosure procedings on my home of unpaid propertly taxes. Another thing to add to the constant mix of things fleeting in and out of my head. If I could slow that down some what, I maybe able to do something about it. But since I can’t work, and I rely on the meger amount of money the state gives me to support myself don’t think anything is going to get paid soon.

Been with out gas for the second month now, trying to get it turned back on, but wheels are not working in my favor. The Salvation Army is going to help, but I have to come up with  135 more, which I don’t have. My truck is having issues, I hope it is just a blown fuse, but if it is not doubt I will be able to get it fixed.

Computer wise haven’t really been doing a whole lot, hard to concentrate on one project that I have going. Pretty much scrapped it all and restarted, why you ask? good question, in the end I don’t have a clue. They just were not right is all.

I do hope to be able to install openSuse on my iBook my brother fixed for me. Just waiting on the power pack and off I will go. Soon as I do I hope I remember to take notes and I’ll blog on it.

Well that’s about it, for now anyways. I feel a good rant against everyone and everything so stay tuned.

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When you suffering depression or are on the downside of being bipolar, even simple things like taking a walk can be extremely difficult and painful experience. I had to go down town today, and it took me at least 3 hours to convince myself and motivate myself to walk there. With the way gas prices are, walking seemed the way to go. Read the rest of this entry »

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I stumbed on this page today, An Introduction to Bipolar Disorder - Psych Central. It’s down right scary to read something that describes one’s feeling, emotions, what ever. Makes you want to stop the world and get off for a few, just so you can catch your breath for a time.

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While it does not make feel any better about things or help my current situation at all, it at least gives me some ammo for those that look at me and think I am completely wacked. Well okay, I am but that is completely besides the point, I mean really. I didn’t ask of any of this, don’t want it, I’ll share, shoot I’m a giving person I’ll let you take lock stock and barrel.

Tags: bipolar, depression
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With everything going wrong or being so wrong in my life, I am not feeling to bad about it today. Kind of holding my own, in a slightly up beat mood. Which of course, knowing from past experience, as the day turns to night, and things wind down, I’ll start to feel guilty about feeling okay. Makes a lot of sense doen’t it ? NOT least not to me anyways.

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Tags: Anxiety, Mental Health, Panic attack
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Some days are worse then other the saying goes. But the title of this post seems to sum up how I have been feeling for the better part of the month. Makes it really tough getting out of bed in the mornings, though I do.
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Tags: general
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The last few months have been rather rough, not easy to cope with at all. Least for me at any rate, and that in it’s self bothers me. And I don’t have a clue on what to do about it. I remember being trained in the Marines to over come and adapt, that failure is not an option. But that seems to be the only thing I have been doing, failing that is. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: depression, panic
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